Zine 29: AlIjhae

Portraits for the internet generation. Alijhae creates original illustrated characters, made from no context, and churns out beautiful displays of references and nods to both moods and communities. A unique artist, Alijhae creates most of her babes without a backstory but the result is art that feels like a choose your own adventure novels. Blank slates filled with potential that necessitated the takeover of an entire wall in my bedroom. Framed and surrounding each other, adorned with synthetic flowers and under pulsating lights. Alijhae provides the puzzle completely put together and leaves you with a visual mystery. Goddesses of various aesthetics, a style for the tumblr girls and anime gays.

Follow Alijhae on insta

Buy from her website

Browse her Etsy

Baby Ballou: When did you first get into drawing/painting?

Alijhae: I started drawing when I was sin elementary. Probably first or second grade. My mom is an artist as well. She would work with acrylic paint and charcoal. I thought it was really cool so I wanted to try to and got into drawing since then.

Bb: Does your aesthetic resemble or pay homage to your mothers? Or did your style forge it’s own path completely?

Alijhae: My mom was into drawing scenery and realistic figures. In contrast I like to create original fantasy (unrealistic) characters and don't really enjoy drawing scenery lol. She's more into the traditional side of art.

Bb: Focusing on fantasy and creating characters, does it help you escape? Do you have a daydream world where they all live?

Alijhae: It does. Ever since I was young I would always be daydreaming. I still do with my characters.

Bb: Yeah I still have an imaginary society of made up philosophers that I daydream into when I need to process information. That’s the most succinctly I’ve ever explained it lol I doubt it sounds cool though. What do your daydreams look like?

Alijhae: 😅 It’s kinda hard to describe. Use to be about sex all the time but nowadays it's just scenarios of how characters react to each other or a situation going on. I also write so daydreaming helps too. It feels very vivid in my head

Bb: I feel that. My daydreams expanded once I’d become comfortable in my sexuality. The constant daydreams of hooking up with a woman used to be young me’s escape haven but as I outwardly began to embrace being queer, my daydreams switched to creative guides. Did that happen with you in any way?

Alijhae: Yeah I'd say it has. After my antidepressants messed with my sex drive, I found myself thinking more on the creative side. I use to write smuts but now I don't, sadly. 😂

Bb: Oh yeah libido and meds are like sworn enemies sometimes. I’m still dealing with that. Your characters tend to be female presenting, is that just influence from your own life or  are you exploring something through these characters that you can’t explore fully in reality?

Alijhae: I use to draw men all the time back in middle and high school. Use to enjoy making my own dream guy and making stories. I was a weirdo. 😂 But I kept all that to myself. I moved to drawing women because I understood that would be a little more eye-catching if I was trying to be seen on Instagram more often.

Bb: Oh interesting, so it was kind of algorithmicly driven to switch. Do you feel obligated to stay drawing women because you’ve built a brand or have you learned to love that and embrace it?

Alijhae: Well nowadays, I enjoy drawing women more than men. There's a lot more I could do I feel like design wise. Obviously you could with men drawings but I like drawings of men more sketchy and dark. Also the way I draw now isn't how I initially started out on the iPad. But I see my changed work from sketchy and dark colors to clean lines and bright colors as a reflection of my depression recovery.

Bb: Oh wow it’s hard to imagine that since I’m so used to these colorful, almost energetic babes. How did this style change collide with your recovery? Was it a coping mechanism, or a conscious decision or just a symptom that held symbolism?

Alijhae: I would say a symptom that held symbolism. I still deal with my depression and stress to this day but it isn't as bad as it was beginning of last year. My bright colors came from the recovery and wanting to try something new. Also to stand out a bit more. I had changed up my style a lot once I decided to get serious about my following on Instagram. My work is a lot more simpler than what I use to do. Despite it being simpler, it still brings out beautiful results that im proud of.

Bb: Your sense of simplicity is beautiful. Your characters really move. Where do you get inspirations for your characters? Do they reflect people you see or are they their own creations

Alijhae: I'm not really sure tbh. I've been tryna think on it myself but it seems it just flows out of my mind.  🤷🏽‍♀️ I usually go into a drawing not knowing what's gonna come out of it lol.

Bb: I know you’ve recently started sharing character back stories with some of your prints, do you always kinda have a fleshed out vibe for your prints or are they separate creations (the story and the art)

Alijhae: They're all sperate creations. I'd love to have a little OC cast. But I haven't really gotten into it for some reason. I think starting quick comics of them is a bit difficult for me. I tend to keep my story and art seperate. Besides my characters of Silas and Cecile.

Bb: That’s really interesting!!I feel like a lot of people have all their mediums blurred and almost cyclic. In my case, it’s because my neurodivergence doesn’t allow me to compartmentalism when I want to lolol why do you feel you like them separate? Do they come from different feelings or symbols of inspiration? Like do certain things illicit a story response and other inspirations illicit art?

Alijhae: When it comes to writing, it's usually representing what I wish a had in a way. Cecile and Silas is a fantasy couple where they do things I wish would happen to me and someone I loved. But since my view on love is skewed due to experiences, I don't write much nowadays.

Bb: How long has it been since Cecile and Silas felt, I don’t know what word would be apt, maybe since they felt closer in reach?

Alijhae: Well I created them back in middle School. Their story board and relationship kinda stayed the same throughout time. My writings are romance based. Since I don't feel like as of now, I don't write as often.

Bb: I remember “rewriting” Romeo and Juliet to be about me and a boy I had a crush on, it was like two years of elementary school living through it. I remember heard where I couldn’t fall asleep unless I could think of someone in my life I had enough of a romantic connection with to play out story boards in my head like counting sheep. If I get into uncomfortable territory just let me know, but romance and you have had a journey figuring each other out, yeah? Where is your relationship with romance currently, or is it still being felt out?

Alijhae: It's okay. Questions are fine. But yes my romance and I are having a hard time. Like I show how much I feel for a person, because when I like someone, I make sure to show them. But when they reveal they don't want to date me, I wonder what's wrong with me. Plus my relations with men has been bad pick after pick. I still feel it. Been this way since September. And then my comfort with men has changed as well. Going to therapy for it. 

Bb: Oof yeah it’s very hard to deal with that. I have that same talent of showing all the affection and care to people who just want a sturdy crutch while they get up but don’t want me. Sometimes when I wonder what’s wrong with me, I think about it like ‘was I too affectionate?’ ‘Is my aesthetic too tacky for them’ and then I try to remember that those things make me happy. Like yeah maybe they think it’s wrong with me but I’m not gonna change what makes me, me because some guy doesn’t recognize it for what it is. I totally have some songs you might like lolol therapy is an act of self-love and I wish everyone went tbh. Did you have any fears or doubt about it when you first started?

{TW: s**c*de}Alijhae: How you feel about it is exactly how I feel down to the T. I wonder if I’m too quirky, too reserved, too non sexual. At first I did fear taking antidepressants and going to therapy because I was afraid that would show that I’m too weak or that something was wrong with me. But I ended up getting to a point where I was afraid for myself committing s. Everyday I felt meaningless and it was growing.

Bb: I’m so sorry you experienced that. I also had to hit that point to open up to medication. In my case, not to minimize mental health but it got to a boiled down equivalent of accepting that if I had a vitamin deficiency, I’d take supplements. If that makes sense. I was also very fortunate to have an amazing built in support system and the privilege of access to resources. What’s been your biggest takeaway from therapy/reflection?

Alijhae: Honestly. So far I haven’t gotten a BIG take away. I’m still emotionally troubled. Maybe I’m slowly realizing maybe I’m okay and valid as a person with feelings but not extremely.

Bb: How do you motivate yourself to keep going?

Alijhae: Honestly, having you and everyone else who loves my art really helped me have a since of purpose in my life. I'm really happy my love for art has created that.

Bb: SO lolol you keep your story and art separate as we talked about, you create these mystical glimpses of babes with these kind of open to interpretation subtle nods of who they could be. How do you feel knowing they’re kinda like dolls to some(me for one), like I see them and I purchase the ones who feel like I’d be friends or in love with them as people even though their 2d static images

Alijhae: That would be so cool tbh. I enjoy looking at my characters so the time. They're really pretty. Especially my characters Landi and Cicada. They represent my two halves of myself.

Bb: That’s interesting because landi and cicada are in a relationship, and they relate two halves of yourself. Do you think there’s anything personally about you trying to marry the two halves together or any kind of division within yourself? Or are Landi and Cicada celebrations of your two halves?

Alijhae: More like division with myself. I thought it would be cool to make a set of characters like that because they'd be relatable to me and maybe making sorry comics would be easier.

Bb: So pieces with them are more like a diary entry than some of your other prints, yeah?

Alijhae: Yeah you could say that. Also what I'd appreciate having in a relationship. I haven't dated a woman yet but would like to.

Bb: Where do you wanna take your creations, Landi and Cicada this year? Do you think you’ll expand to a group of friends or experiment with multi-panel comics?

Alijhae: Yeah you could say that. Also what I'd appreciate having in a relationship. I haven't dated a woman yet but would like to.

Bb: Where do you wanna take your creations, Landi and Cicada this year? Do you think you’ll expand to a group of friends or experiment with multi-panel comics?

Alijhae: I'd like to do that but honestly I can't promise it will happen. But I think the union of Cicada and Landi will help me appreciate myself as a person.