Zine 48: imani Graham
In this post-Tumblr world, we’ve moved past wanting bitter-sweet and into craving the wholly sweet and sour. Art that doesn’t, in some way, acknowledge pain can ring false. But we’re also the aesthetic era; so if it’s heartbreak we’re doing, let’s do it infectiously. Let’s wear our pain like an accessory. Now a decade later, we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place - false positives or orchestrated sorrow. So when you find deliciously crafted indie pop that feels effortless, you have to hold on to it. The first time I heard Imani Graham’s latest chorus pop up on TikTok, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I held onto it til my knuckles turned white, like it was my own diary entry that I was terrified someone would grab from my closed fist and read to the class. When she released the whole track, I went feral. ‘Fact of the Matter’ hits the tongue like dissolving candy. The sugary film covers every tastebud. Even though each bite comes with a slight scratch, your hand keeps diving into the plastic bag of colors for more. Because, sometimes, to scratch an itch, you’ve got to irritate your skin a little.
Baby Ballou: Tell me about someone who helped shape your music taste as a kid. For me, it really comes down to my dad and then a boy from school who I rewrote my entire music taste for lol (I would also blindly say yes when he asked if I knew a band and he would trick me with fake band names to catch me out which was very embarrassing because you’d think I’d learn my lesson the first time 🤷♀️)
Imani: I love that! i feel like i did that too and then would run home to google whoever they said so i would have something to talk about haha but i would say my dad really helped shape my music taste as a kid. my dad grew up in harlem so you would think the majority of music he would listen to was rap, but he really listened to everything. it didn’t matter who made it or what genre it was, if the lyrics were good and the beat was good, he liked it. so just hearing so much different music made me want to listen to everything without judgement
Bb: Your dads taste definitely resonates! Growing up in a household that blended genres so to say, do you remember interacting with someone devoted to a certain genre being superior or who felt music fans should be a certain way? (I was unfortunately one of the “my genres better than yours” people before I got a sense of self lol)
Imani: oh i definitely do, i feel like a good amount of people i was friends with as a kid, especially in middle school, were all into rap and rnb. it was like if you’re not falling over someone like chris brown for an example then what are you listening to. however sometimes i definitely felt like some of the genres i listened to were superior 😂 what genres were you listening to
Bb: I was very insecure and I projected that into judgment of confident women (which gave into internalized slut shaming, truly cringe). I asked my dad once why I didn’t recognize Madonna songs and he said “it’s not like you would’ve given her a chance.” So I was honestly a real asshole about pop music because that’s where women were allowed to be confident in pop culture- an era I will be making amends for for life. And regret not just morally but also because I love pop music now and i lost out not listening to it sooner. Is there a past era of you, where you’re like oh boy - I see what young me was trying to do and that was not the move?
Imani: i completely get that!! i feel like it’s hard to realize what’s going on until you take a step away, if that makes any sense. i would say at the beginning of college, i was a complete asshole and very closed off. i’m from a town that i would say is very conservative, and even though i’m a black woman and i had my own thoughts on that area, i think i was still subconsciously influenced by the town if that makes any sense. i went to a college that was very liberal and it was honestly a wake up call and i was able to make friends that looked nothing like the people i grew up with and that taught me a lot itself. i took sometime to really educate myself but also took time grow as a person and looking back, i’m just like who is was that person
Bb: I totally get you in learning about your towns mentality by leaving it. I come from a liberal California town but it had a very built in idea that human rights and political opinion were one in the same. And so there was this kind of like, at the end of the day, we should all get along at the dinner table vibe. It took me making new friends who weren’t wealthy and white to realize the reality of dismissing things that had a real-life impact on marginalized communities. Staying on the same track but hopping trains, what’s something you’re really proud of yourself for your growth on and holding yourself accountable for? I’m forcing you to give yourself flowers lolol
Imani: exactly! you put it so perfectly!
i would say in the past in conflict, i would often times listen with my answer already ready, and so i’ve learned to listen to actually hear how the other person is feeling. i’m also much more open, that being in expressing how i feel, and just open to new ideas and ways of thinking. one thing i’ve been really proud of myself for in the last year or so is standing up for myself and expressing how i feel instead of letting it fester and turn into resentment. it sounds so easy but i am such an anxious person at times, expressing myself can be hard so i’ve kind of made a pact with myself to hold myself accountable for that
Bb: How does songwriting and making music play into that anxiety around self expression? Is it like exposure therapy or is it just the one way of self expression that’s always felt most natural?
Imani: I would say its a bit of both. so i feel like songwriting/writing in general has always allowed me to express myself and it’s always been somewhat easy. or i should say it’s a lot easier after i’ve kind of dealt with the emotions or whatever’s going on. usually when i’m in it, i have a hard time writing. but i think the exposure part comes in when i’m obsessively thinking about something, forcing myself to write or produce something (mainly write) even if it’s one line.
Bb: How do you get yourself through that block when you’re obsessively thinking? I know for me, sometimes I never get around to ideas I like most because I’m scared I’ll never be able to bring them to life as good as my vision and I’m working on breaking through that fear of not doing it perfectly
Imani: it’s extremely hard. i’ve actually been struggling with this recently. some days, i can hardly write even a sentence and other days i can. i also struggle with it not being perfect but i think what helps is the thought of that i can always go back to it. i’m a perfectionist at my core, and it sucks to a certain extent especially with comparing myself to other people etc. so honestly, when it gets too bad, i take a really long break, sometimes that looks like a few days and other times it could be a few months. as much as i try to force it out sometimes, i try not to force it too much
Bb: That’s so key though. As hard as it is to walk the thin line of balance, pushing yourself for the sake of it helps no one. Hustle culture seeps into the arts industry in the guise of being “prolific” but as long as you’ve reached a place of peace with it, who cares how many or how frequently. As you know, I’m obsessed with Fact of the Matter. Was there an obsessive thought you had to expose behind that one or how did it come about?
Imani: exactly! i truly believe that hustle culture is the root of evil lmao. it seriously causes so much imposter syndrome and just overall doubt. it’s like if you’re not writing 4 songs a day, or if you’re not working 3 jobs, etc. then you’re not doing enough. sometimes doing enough is just relaxing for a second, taking a breath, etc.
oooo! yes, so fact of the matter is one of my favorites lyrically. i had gone through a breakup earlier in the year/before then. and i just kept thinking about how the person didn’t understand/ignored my boundaries and everything that i clearly outlined. this was one of those times where i held myself accountable and said what i needed to say. anyway, that song came from me doing a lot of reflection on that past relationship and also reflecting on the growth i made coming out of it
Bb: You can truly feel that in the song. Like that chorus honestly helped me accept some realities about an ex that my best friend has spent years trying to drill in me. But there’s something so confidently vulnerable in that song, all the more beautiful knowing it comes from you standing up for yourself in a new way. It’s also just so raw to open up about that moment when you’re walking away but that small part of you (and your ego) is still in their palm for them to fight or not fight to keep you. The chorus flows soooooo smoothly even with multi-syllable constant heavy words. It so precisely rhymes as well, how did you sculpt those lyrics? What did you build it from?
Imani: you said it so beautifully and perfectly! i started that song on the piano and it’s so much sadder, i don’t know if i have the voice memo still, but it’s almost like a completely different song. so with the chorus specifically, i just kept thinking “fact of the matter fact of the matter fact of the matter” and how simple the truth is but how complicated the things around it can be. and i kind of pictured it as if i was actually saying it to my ex for the last time, as if i was being blunt instead of caring how he felt this time. i just wanted it to also be a slap in the face in a way, like i tried so so hard even though what was going on was shattering me and you couldn’t even tell me what was going on and you didn’t even fight for it
Bb: It’s like your fighting for your life against a wall of futility. You took the bus to their place, you scaled the wall to get to their windowsill, you fell once doing it but you finally knock and all they have to do is unlock the window and they’re “too busy but maybe next week.” Did releasing the song make you feel vindicated or proud in your choice to burn it all down?
Imani: exactly exactly exactly!! i would say writing the song made me feel vindicated for sure. like after writing all of that and sometimes i don’t even know the true meaning until it’s all done and it clicks. it was just so so clear. then i felt overwhelmed with emotion on how i let things go on for so long and it took me a bit to reprocess all of that again. but after it was out and hearing other people’s stories and the way it makes them feel makes me proud that i even wrote about it, but also proud that i released it for other people to hear but i’m definitely proud i burned it all down
Bb: I totally know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed with emotions of having stayed. Before I found your song, I was healing with ‘Nine Months’ by Annie DiRusso.
https://open.spotify.com/track/2EfklTNRQDQAAhgaC9XyWA?si=Xc2H6NHCQMSfjSD-Ffk-Zw
When you were working on that song, was there music you were listening to that helped heal you while you made yours?
Imani: i’m definitely gonna check out that song!! there were definitely a few songs that i had on repeat. i remember listening to Were You Lying? by Jansen, My Ego Dies At The End by Jensen McRae, and Unfolding by Luca Fogale
I remember the first time I heard Unfolding, I sat and sobbed in my car
Bb: A good car cry is honestly a true vibe. When you park and just let it all out slamming your hands on the steering wheel. There’s some metaphor we all experience that I’m not articulate enough to word. Besides a good car cry (this time my words, not yours), what is Fact of the Matter a good soundtrack for?
Imani: i completely get what you’re saying!! i honestly feel like it’s the end of a breakup playlist but also could be in a turning point in a movie. i was actually watching something the other day and thought it would be perfect but i forget
Bb: Hahahah are you working on any music now or allowing yourself to exist and enjoy outside of it for a lil?
Imani: i’ve been working on my next ep for what seems like forever. i’ll write and produce something that i really like and then go back to it a few days later and hate it. so it’s been an overthinking process but it’s slowly but surely coming along. a lot of the songs deal with the aftermath of the last two eps i released
Bb: I love the description of it in its place as a narrative. Where has the aftermath left you emotionally? What vibe is the EP going to encompass?
Imani: I would say at first i was very anxious, overwhelmed, and on edge so i’m aiming for the first few songs to touch on those experiences and that feeling. i would say by the end it’s going to feel like something new because i’d like to think that i’m at a new beginning and at a new start. i would say now i’ve learned a lot of lessons and i finally feel free, so i hope that the ep can at least get to that point
Bb: Let’s bask in your freedom, what makes you feel happy? What’re some dumb things that make you laugh? Like what are the daily joys that get you most
Imani: i feel like it sounds cliche, but i really enjoy the little things in life. i love sitting on my couch and watching tv shows or sports. i love talking to and being around my friends and my family. i love going for long car rides and blasting music whether that’s by myself or with my friends. i feel like i laugh at just about anything or everything. i have this group chat with two of my best friends on twitter and we send tweets and things all day long
Bb: Cliches are cliches for a reason! They may be seen as corny but they’re inherently universal. I used to run from them but now I try to embrace the cliches in me - I think, as a former pick-me girlie, it’s like my version of learning to embrace my cringe. To close out on a random note, what’s your favorite response, gesture or compliment you’ve gotten regarding your artistry?
Imani: I would say my favorite responses/gestures happen when people that listen to my music send me a message saying that the songs have helped them through something. It means the world to me and is the reason that I make music. I make it to help myself through whatever i’m going to but it’s also so nice to know that i’m not alone in feeling what i was feeling at that time!