Zine 40: KEHRUBO

KEHRUBO ON INSTAGRAM

KEHRUBO’S MUSIC

ALT TEXT FOR ABOVE GRAPHICS

Baby Ballou: This is an out of left field first question but i like to see people’s thinking. Your song titles are all lower case and in some, without punctuation. What about that aesthetically do you think speaks to you? I looooove seeing all lower case, I wish I wasn’t too lazy to fight autocorrect over it

Kerubo: haha well, honestly typing them out properly just looks odd to me. like too formal or too official or serious. so to me, it just gives off chill type vibes and not too “in your face” you know?

Bb: What does being chill mean to you? When I was a kid, I thought I just meant stoner (I was straight edge) but even now, I feel like people use it in a similar manner but with different spotlights depending on personal experience

Kerubo: oh yeah i agree, a lot of people use it in relation to stoning. but in this case, i feel chill means laid back like, just cruising. i sometimes relate it to the vibe of relaxing on a beach with sunglasses on and the sound of the ocean waves. ✨chill✨

Bb: A lot of people dismiss the validity of teen girls in music, both as creators and consumers. Despite how many contemporary icons started as teens in the industry and how many retro artists only became huge off the support of teen girls (ie the Beatles). Why do you think being a young girl musician is powerful?

Kerubo: as a young musician, i share similar experiences with other young consumers, since we are in the same age group. and therefore the music and lyrics are relatable you know? its like, putting a voice to what someone my age may be feeling, and that kinda lets them know that they arent alone, which is important. also, i feel there’s something unapologetic about the young girl musicians we’ve seen rise. to see them doing what they love and enjoying it, despite the many barriers we have as women, it inspires so many others

Bb: What was something you wished someone had put a voice to for you when you were younger?

Kerubo: i wish i saw more queer artists. especially queer black artists. like lil nas x, kehlani etc. i feel that would have helped me in my self discovery, you know? even now, i wish there were more in the the “mainstream” industry. i held onto I kissed a girl by Katy Perry for a long time loool

Bb: I feel that!! I kinda struggled with I kissed a girl, just with my personal journey to self discovery, i think it helped me lean into my “it’s just a phase” and not fully embracing my queerness. But i was also bullied with that song because I used to go by Katie and she was from our town and I vocally protested against the banning of gay marriage - so I think I have like a built in bias just from association. I totally feel you. I feel like every time I hear new queer music, I realize something small about my own queerness. I wish we had more to share. What kind of ‘misfits’ is your music for?

Kerubo: yeah exactly that makes sense, in the lyrics she sounds regretful. thats why i wish there were more queer songs, embracing it more. also, im sorry about the bullying :(( but its amazing that you stood up and protested. 

hmm, honestly sometimes when i think about my music and the stuff im yet to release, i’d say its like “sad and feelsy but with a god complex” and a splash of toxic lol. but, in the near future, i would love to lean into my queerness as well

Bb: Sad and feelsy with a god complex and a splash of tocos is my new favorite self-description ever. I’m obsessed. When did you first start realizing you were queer?

Kerubo: well i feel like i always knew but it didnt quite hit me lol. because no one around me was and i didn’t really see it in the media or learn about it. but i’d say it dawned on me when i was about 15, although i was forced to stay in the closet

Bb: I figured out I was queer pretty young but I didn’t piece it together. I would consciously do things to get girls to make out with me but For years I considered my first kiss to be at 16 even though I’d kissed girls well earlier than that. I taught myself to just dance around the actual realization.  I’m sorry you were in an environment where you couldn’t be your true self, may I ask what thinking was behind that? As in, were you in a religious environment or a community where homophobia was normalized?

Kerubo: oh yes exactly me too! its crazy how so many people go through the same things, thats why its so important to talk about it. and yeah a religious and homophobic environment. you really had to hide and be very down low, because if anyone found out you would be in for quite a ride. homophobia was the norm

Bb: How has music helped you work in being your true self

Kerubo: when i write music, its like a way of processing my thoughts. its real therapeutic cuz like you get to put what you feel into words and that helps me understand myself better. plus the good thing about music, you can write literally WHATEVER no matter how outta pocket it is lol😂or if its something you dont talk about much but would like to. its an outlet, which helps deal w and overcome stuff

Bb: What do you feel you have to do or approach differently in music just from your white femme peers?

Kerubo: honestly its harder for black artists to “make it” as compared to white artists. at the same time, i feel it also lies in todays beauty standards. like you can have less talent, but if you’re easy on the eyes it may be easier for you. a lot of time i feel pressured to make rnb/hip hop music, because that is the genre most black people are automatically categorized in, and tend to excel in more than other genres. we definitely need to work harder n smarter n do something other people arent doing to be recognized. or, be the beauty standard

Bb: I’ve heard similar things from artists before, of the pressure to do R&B or rap as a means to make it as a Black artist. In an industry that has almost exclusively POC and predominantly Black queer people to thank for trends and content, it’s like us white people are so scared of admitting how little we have, that we can’t risk giving you space for the fear of having to admit you built the whole mansion. How has your relationship with “the beauty standard” change?

Kerubo: well honestly it doesn’t quite influence me anymore. i mean when i was younger, it definitely did. i wanted to look like celebrities or the people i’d see on tv or on the internet. i wanted my hair straight and long you know, lighter skin,slim body tiny waist. and thats very harmful, especially since kids and teens are so impressionable. im glad these days there’s more representation in the media, although still not where it should be. right now im glad i broke out of that and learnt to accept myself and not compare myself to what i see on social media, because what we see on social media isnt real most times

Bb: Yeah when I was younger, I was so insecure about my nose and belly and I look back and think about how intensely that perfect button nose and thin frame impacted me and my mental health and I can’t imagine how much rougher the wave is when there’s more intersections in the insecurity like race. Let’s celebrate you, what are your favorite things about yourself (physical and/or personality)

Kerubo: i like my eyes! and i like my hair, which im happy to be finally able to say.  i like my outgoing personality, and i like that im funny😂or so ive been told haha

let’s celebrate you too! what are your favorite things?

Bb: I like my eyes too! I like that I don’t care about looking silly in public. And I like that I’m a true ride or die friend. Have you been working on music recently?

Kerubo: yes, im always working on music. i just debate whether to release it or not

Bb: What holds you back from releasing?

Kerubo: depends. sometimes i like to keep stuff for myself. other times it’s vulnerable so im not quite ready yet. and sometimes it just doesn’t feel like the right time💀is all about timing practically