Zine 35: Kunt Pills

Sometimes in the movies, the way to win is let the rookie take lead. A fresh pair of eyes to stare down the barrel of a gun; someone to see light where others have been set in seeing the same routines. That’s Kunt Pills. It’s become cliche to say a mistake is just a lesson in disguise. but I don’t know how to implore you to believe me how very meaningful that cliche is with them. It doesn’t matter. Subconsciously fueled flinch and a crooked cat eye? That’s a chance to experiment with an intergalactic look. Live on zoom and you fell out of your chair in front of everyone? That’s an opportunity to bounce back by pitching the idea you’ve been to scared to share. Because under Kunt Pills’ leadership, mistakes are freeing. Mistakes can be a release. A steadfast love of uncertainty. Traipsing on the tips of hyper pop, SoundCloud brood and tied together with a ribbon made of self-truth, there’s something about them that reminds me of Sophie’s spirit. Consider this intro letter my formal petition to get KP in a seat of power in the industry. No formalities needed. 

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Bb: So lemme begin by asking my go to, what creative mediums do you claim? What (and I mean the conventional and unconventional forms) kind of creative outlets do you have?

KP: Well i produce and write all of my own music, I'm a visual artist including painting/drawing , digital art, graphic design ect. Im not classically trained but have gon to school for it at one point. Video art is another passion of mine i like to incorporate into what i do for performances and visuals that acompany music. And i dance alot but not trained

Bb: What’re some of your go to songs to dance to?

KP: Rocket's Tail-Kate Bush

Brave-Kelis

Overprotected-Britney Spears

Visions-Charli XCX

Boom Boom Boom-Vengaboys

Bb: YES TO THE VENGABOYS. 🎶 I want you in my room, let’s spend the night together from now until forever 🎶 what a bop. How would/do you dance to your music? Like the listener is alone in their bedroom, earbuds in, silent disco mood on, what kind of dance and mood are they in for?

KP: Ok so for me i dance and listen to my music like a rollercoaster as cliche as it sounds but also sometimes like the really intense moments that happen on tour dvds. Listeners should feel like they are next to me. Its gonna sound weird but like we're under a blanket reading stories together. Those are all completely different feelings but my music has a very wide spectrum of energy levels so i guess they fit

Bb: Aw that sounds so pleasant honestly. Why do you think pouring your emotions and vulnerabilities into music, with a purpose of having many people listen, why do you think such a public expression is so therapeutic?

KP: Well honestly i only show about half as much vulnerability in my music as i did when i started. For alot of artists what triggers inspiration is pain. I'm somewhat one of those people but at the same time alot of my music gets made in the aftermath or middle of serious life changes that show new circumstances everyday. People may listen and enjoy because they to deal with new circumstances everyday. Public expression becomes therapeutic when it feels taboo personally. Everyday my visibility as an artist, my presence and existence go against everything i grew up thinking about myself. Its not that i have nothing to hide its that i have nothing to feel ashamed of as i grow up. Vulnerability is the weapon i use to go against my struggle to be present and not too distant with who i am.

Bb: Okay well way to hit me with an answer I’m gonna be chewing on for days. So many phrases in there I love. What’re some of the things you’ve learned not to be ashamed of as you grow up?

KP: I guess everyday i learn not to be ashamed of things i did in survival mode, and not to be ashamed of learning things in different ways than others do. Sometimes im just not on the same planet as my peers and I'd seriously think something was wrong with me. Once i learned that feeling that way is something valuable that will always be the thing that energizes me to continue doing what i do, i basically took back control of what i should and should be ashamed of.

Bb: I bet there’s a lot of people who need to hear that first sentence. It’s so easy to beat yourself up for something like not showering often during a depressive episode and you can spiral down into shame. And sometimes you need to just be like, okay, so my brain didn’t feel capable of doing that but I did what I could and that’s okay. How do you handle a mistake or something going on wrong?

KP: Psshhhh my first reaction to making mistakes is that "well now that youve fucked up you can do whatever you want now" like yeah i still freak out a little and im for sure my own worse critic so best believe for the 2 hours im gonna hear about it in my head. But after all that is over its free game. An example would be how i developed my style of makeup. Im not ACTUALLY good at it in a technical way but when things dont go the way i intend i feel forced to now come up with something completely new and improvised based on purely working said mistake in as a purposeful choice. Same goes for music and art. I developed that idea when i would doodle on things and mindlessly connect things to things on paper based on the last line or curve. It became fun. Letting everything flow as if its already been planned

Bb: OKAY I FEEL THAT SO HARD. people always compliment me on my makeup and hair, and ask me to do theirs and it’s like “well,  no. All of this is a mistake that I just curated.” For example, my eyebrows are a neon green but it’s because I thickly paint just like a 3 inch rectangle of green over anything near my eyebrow and then use q tips to shape it lolol I really admire how you roll with life and enjoy the unpredictability of it. Obviously the pandemic wasn’t a happy unpredictability, how did it impact you?

KP: I DO THE SAME THING its just fun going for it with makeup. The pandemic was intense. There was rapid change and its happened so quick that i forget key events that happened since the beginning. But it challenged alot pf relationships. It made me do alot of inner work and i definitely got to give my music alot more attention and had more time to find my sound and establish growth in a year. I was already an isolated person and kinda followed the days as they went by and craved new. But goood the emotional dysregulation that ive experience and know now exists during this pandemic is very much the awakening i needed to learn self soothing. Everyone's mental health was tested this years and in all different ways. Self Care was important. Learning how to be alone. Thinking about more than just myself in the grand scheme of this. But not neglecting putting myself first. All things i had forcefully teach myself. 

Bb: Yeah it’s like, I wouldn’t have these zines without this pandemic but I also wouldn’t have had multiple bad episodes either. It’s interesting how much a lot of artists have had strong experiences with both being more creative and also in pain over the lockdown period. Coming out of it, what as a musician, so you hope live music/concert atmosphere is like (in a dream hypothetical)?

KP: Ive never even been to a show, concert or festival, so to even fathom how euphoric it will be is far out reach for me personally. I hope it takes a turn towards the favor of diy artists with a lot more community support. I feel like the second its safe and accessible for artists to tour again diy artists who worked extremely hard and built themselves throughout this entire pandemic should be the first people getting booked. But if you wanna hear my more creative idea of what shows would be like is very much giving freedom and new world building. Shows start to have fixtures and sculptures that move and add to the performance. Stories get told on stage again. Living vicariously through tour dvds shaped what i expect. I want shows to be interactive and life changing when i finally experience one.

Bb: I love your creative idea and I agree, I hope diy artists get the gigs they deserve and shows become more about finding new music rather than just enjoying your favorites. Is there any reason you haven’t been to a show? I’ve never been to a music festival, for me it’s because I have anxiety and a lot of things that set me off (not being able to leave on a whim, large crowds, looking cool enough, etc)  are the very essence of music festivals lol

KP: Mainly the same reasons as you said and the shows and venues id wanna go to were never letting anyone under 16 come in and i was like 13 when all of my fav artists were touring. And sometimes we just couldnt work it into the budget. All types of circumstances kept me from doing so but ive come to the conclusion that it was the universe subconsciously telling me that my first show has to be my own. Like deep down i knew i never imagined being in the crowd and singing along at shows i resonated with who was on stage. I dreamed of getting the moment. Why not make that my introduction to live music?

Bb: I love that. You’re right. Why not make that your introduction? That’s drama. That’s iconic. I used to feel like I could never fully be a music journalist because I’d never been to a festival and people would kinda judge me for that. Do you go out just not to shows or are you more a homebody/always working?

KP: Homebody/always working definitely. I self preserve alottt. Its one of those things i do when my more neurodivergent traits start to make social interaction much more stressful than it should be. I've always wanted that party life moment bc i know I'd thrive in it but I'd have to be careful not to over exert myself, i need alot of recharge time and enjoy time alone or with my closest friends. Also i grew up isolated in ohio. I learned to be my own party

Bb: My dads from Toledo. We used to go there/Maumee when I was younger and I have to be honest, I can’t remember seeing any Black people just out and about. Granted, I don’t have a great memory. But what is it like to grow up Black in Dayton for you? How was your growing up in your neighborhood in general?

KP: Theres good and theres bad. Tbh i dont remember alot nor do i want to but i will say i had to grow thick skin. And remember that in many ways i will never relate to the people here,

Bb: I completely respect that and won’t press further. Instead, where did you first relate to people? Whether an online or irl community

KP: Genuinely yes but at the same time no. Overtime ive gotten so much happier and kind to myself. Where i struggle everyday is being authentic to my needs and dealing the life in front of me day by day. Not letting it convince me i shouldn't look forward to the future. 

Bb: And lastly, looking forward to the future, what do you hope/aim for yourself?

KP: I hope to one day tour and perform my music live, create a secure and stable living off of my art that brings me fulfillment. I want to know choosing me was worth it and i gave it my all. I want to honor those in my family we didn't get to hear fully.