Zine 36: BÆBNÆ

I grew up on Metric, The Shins, Tegan and Sara and that certain era of indie; That classic, candid era of indie. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed songs that hit that way until I found Bæbnæ. And while they come in at a much younger age, than the aforementioned, they revive that special sense of unposed authenticity with a soft touch. Their single ‘Two Decades,’ starts with the guitar that squeaks just once or twice; the same serotonin as when dust crackles over a playing vinyl. Vocals with a light but lasting fingerprint bellowing a coming-of-age story. I want to lay on my floor, the cat hair that will maul my clothes be damned, and listen to this song on repeat. I want to sink into a song where the emotions are palpably relatable, but not day-changing heavy. I want to swim in my emotions like a diary entry. And too often, we’re used to drowning in them. Songs like anchors dragging you down into a lake of regret. Bæbnæ has a soft touch, holding their palm open so you can swim within a puddle; emotions to make you think. Emotion as a philosopher’s muse.

STREAM TWO DECADES

Bb: What was the first song (outside of any you wrote) you remember learning the lyrics to?

BAE: the first song i heard that wasn’t gospel music or reggae aka. the only genres of music my mom and dad respectively listen to, was the song “what kind of name is love” by big kid. it was one of those songs that were like prerecorded on ur PC (back when computers were in their earlier stages lol). the couple of lines in the song i remembered for so many years, that actually became the reason i found the song again later in my life were, “when asked who i am meeting, or who i’m waiting for. i said i’m looking for love to come through the door”i thought the song was so clever because the listener doesn’t know if love is an actual woman or just the concept

Bb: Imma have to check that song out. That’s a beautiful lyric. So you like when lyrics leave room for interpretation? How do you  appreciate subtlety and/or specificity?

BAE: i think i really appreciate subtly because it shows that artist ability to include the listener in the creative process in a way.

Bb: It’s more interactive that way. How did you begin making music yourself?

BAE: i used to play viola from the ages like 7-14 but i stopped playing because my music teacher was racist and that turned me off from music, i’ve been writing creatively since i remember and i always used to write little songs without instrumentals just lyrics. in my sophomore year of college my friend Kwezt gave me a ukulele for my birthday and as soon as i got my hands on that instrument i fell in love with music again, i wrote my first official song called Brown Licker on the ukulele, wrote and recorded my ep Icarus that summer and have been writing and producing ever since

Bb: Wow, I’m so sorry. teachers can really control the narrative and environment with their bias. One person shouldn’t have so much control over our experience with an entire study and yet we don’t make sure teachers are truly there for everyone. If I may ask, how did you decide to walk away from them? For those in the arts who have doubts about stepping back from mentors and teachers who are bigoted

BAE: i didn’t really decide i think i just slowly got discouraged and one day stopped trying. but i think if you don’t feel comfortable with your teacher or mentor or you feel disconnected from the art form because of them consider leaving and learning on your own or finding another teacher learning to play guitar and get back into music theory on my own has given me a sense of accomplishment and security in my own knowledge of the art form. i realized that’s there’s a lot about music that seems like it should be passed down from a more knowledgeable source but mostly it’s just intuitive and as you play with the instruments you evolve as a musician and as a person

Bb: Yes!! That part!! Somehow in the post classic rock era, we started gate keeping music really hard and holding artists up to an arbitrary standard since we were still knew to celebrity culture in multi-media. And I feel like so many young musicians are discouraged because they don’t fit what we established as a ‘true creative’. I like how you describe it, like it’s a nurturing relationship. How would you describe your connection with your instruments?

BAE: yes!! music like any other art form is what you make of it, your expression of your own individual experience in tandem with your choice of medium. i would say that my connection with my instruments are a give and take i have fun just experimenting and exploring them but also find myself methodically studying different chords and scales and riffing off of that as well

Bb: And what do you find, thematically, are some of the constants in your music expression?

BAE: i find that my musical expression airs on the ethereal otherworldly side, kind of a sound that you’re expecting but haven’t yet heard before. a lot of the times i find my songs come out a little sadder then i’d like but i kinda just take whatever the inspiration gives and  bring it to life

Bb: I can definitely feel all that with Two Decades. Expecting but haven’t heard, I love. I love any descriptors that contradict but you somehow understand the gist. How did two decades come to be born?

BAE: i wrote the lyrics to the song when i was 19 just walking up to my apartment in ithaca, i sing to myself often and freestyle so i was just like “19 for 9 more days two decades in the united states, of pain” and those lyrics stuck with me.  i found a pop rock beat on youtube called virgo, produced by Sean Thompson and the rest came of the lyrics came in after hearing those instrumentals

Bb: What does it feel like, knowing you’ve been on this earth for two decades? I was born in the mid 90’s so I was jusssttt old enough to remember pre-social media and pre-internet culture and even I can recognize how quickly in the last decade, we’ve had ‘cultural resets.’ Trends, sounds, aesthetics, they come and go so much quicker now. And it makes it so crazy now to think how much pop culture I’ve lived through. Like our obsession with lorde feels aggesss ago and it was only a few years for example

BAE: it’s wild to think about how much culture has changed in the past 20 years, i think a lot of it is attributed to the evolution of technology. like i see how quickly trends come and go but i also feel like things resurface so much faster too, like the early 2000 aesthetic is glorified right now among the younger gen z crowd and i’m just huhhhhh? that was such a weird time for fashion lol

Bb: Yes! Like how is there already a reboot of Gossip Girl?? We’re closer than ever to celebrities and pop culture is so saturated that it feels like we get tired so quickly of different trends. But there’s also a new appreciation for some underrated things now since young people are in a place to be much more expressive and authentic. Do you think you’d have had a different experience or life had you grown up as a teen in this last decade? (Excluding the pandemic)

BAE: i think my life would different inevitably. There are a lot of ideas about gender and racial identities specifically that are so common with younger gen z that i had to teach myself about as a teenager. I think if i had grown up a little later I would’ve reached these conclusions about myself and the nature of the world around me a lot faster. I don’t think that i would be a much different person tho

Bb: How did you find yourself? What places did you learn or get inspiration/representation from?

BAE: i think a lot of my self development started with the readings of bell hooks, toni morrison, james baldwin’s and other black queer writers kind of affirming myself as someone who doesn’t necessarily fit in but also helping me to understand why. most of my inspiration to unapologetically be myself came from the people around me, my best friends who acknowledge that they have no choice but to be themselves fearlessly.

Bb: It’s fun, how much we learn about ourselves by listening to someone else. It feels counterintuitive in some ways but as you said, when you’re in an identity that’s hidden, someone else knowing the words makes all the difference. Do you still read a lot now?

BAE: i do not so much for pleasure because i’m reading so much for school but i love what i study so i enjoy the readings regardless

Bb: College really killed my love for reading. But I also did it to myself. My dad was a philosophy grad and growing up, he made it such a fun, living thing that interwove with us. And then at college it was just reading from and regurgitating the same old books, basically just translating pretentiously packed sentences to everyday dialect. What do you study and how do you engage with it? Is there anything about how you’re taught that you think limits you or the class at all?

BAE: ugh i totally understand where you’re coming from my dad is an avid reader and i definitely got my love of reading and learning from him, i’m a journalism major with a minor in african diaspora studies which means most of the time i’m reading things i enjoy reading but the constant demand makes it a daunting task. I hate how inaccessible academia is and even though I love the topics it’s hell to keep up with the 10-15 pages per class a night! journalism is also such an elitist practice and i really want to be more free and creative in the way i write while still maintaining that journalistic air of things so i tend to take risks in my journalism classes and avoid allowing the academia to stifle my creativity and love of language

Bb: Words are really subjective nowadays. And for some people, typically people who don’t suffer from anxiety, depression, etc hopelessness can be more like feeling discouraged or rejected.  Hopelessness for me is a very dark, not healthy place that I won’t go in to. What is hopelessness for you?

BAE: it’s the same for me, i struggle with depression and a shit ton of other mental health issues and i have since i was a child. It also doesn’t help that being a black queer femme presenting person, my mere existence is rebellious and hope sometimes seems like such a foreign concept. it takes a great deal of energy for me to compartmentalize my feelings of hopelessness and focus on what brings me joy.

Bb: Well if it is too much energy, feel free not to answer. What does bring you joy?

BAE: i find joy in music. making music hearing music dancing to music and all things related. granted making music isn’t always a fun process but I actually enjoy the difficulties in comparison to a lot of other things that frustrate me. i also find joy in my community, the people i surround myself with who love me unconditionally and are always around to make me laugh. i also love to cook it’s a very calming joyful activity to me but it’s really hard to do any of these things when i’m feeling depressed and hopeless because i can’t find the joy in them or even gather the energy to start.

Bb: Ooo I wanna ask just a little more about your music but first, what’re your favorite things to cook?

BAE: I love making traditional ghanaian dishes with my mother specifically we don’t have the best relationship but cooking is one thing we can do together without fighting, she taught me how to make meat pies, jolof rice. fried plantain with beans and gari (which is a kind of grain). on my own i really like making fettuccine alfredo it’s a simple delicious meal, i also love making fried rice, chicken w a balsamic vinaigrette honey sauce w potatoes and green beans and a bunch of other recipes that i’ve experimented with

Bb: Wow, I’m very sorry you’re carrying that generational trauma. Even in the wording you used, I can see that you make long strides to see where she’s coming from and how she sees it. I’m sorry that’s not returned. How did you come to trust yourself as your own mentor in a way when you had to step in where she wasn’t?

BAE: i just had to allow myself to be me entirely, and to learn what that really means. i still struggle to this day with trusting myself but regardless i show myself love and accept the naturally dynamic person that i am. it also meant learning about my parents trauma and understanding how their trauma affects me.

Bb: How has music helped you trust yourself?

BAE: music has helped me learn so much about my own creativity, stamina, skill and willpower. it’s also helped me fine tune my intuition and other gifts. when im making music these are some of the moments where feel the most myself, like i’m doing exactly what i was put on this earth to do. just the act of nailing a riff on the guitar and feeling it burned into my muscle memory, or that spark of inspiration i get right before lyrics start pouring out of me brings me closer to my current self, my past self and my higher self. I can feel them all becoming one person in these moments.

Bb: when your brain turns against you, how do you remember this heightened being? How do you believe?
BAE: in those moments i turn to my ancestors who i believe are always watching over my and guiding me in the spiritual realm. i honor them and they comfort me. they send me signs that reassure me that i’m on the right path, and they give me energy when i’m at my lowest. i also turn to my friends for support they are my chosen family and accept me for who i am regardless of how much i hate myself in those moments. they hold space for me to just be and encourage my growth gently. :))