Zine #14: Starring SAILEM

My pronouns are THEY/THEM (all caps cause people just be forgetting and because I’m femme presenting 😭)” - an intro which isn’t meant to center THEIR gender identity as much as it is to show that THEY respond, when undermined, by growing louder, bigger, stronger. THEIR strength, symbolized; what you try to erase, THEY will capitalize. 

SAILEM is a multi-hyphenate creative who explores whims until they’re THEIR expertises. Driven by a hunger of the eyes, and able to back it with agile fingers and fueled up feet. Home to numerous mediums, the pandemic helped THEM hone in on music. Despite THEIR ooky-spooky brand, talking to THEM is immediately familiar. My questions melted into conversations, melted into feeling as if we were spinning around on my pleather chairs, blunt smoke sweeping the floor as drops of champagne sticky up my floor; having fallen in between lost grips and laughter. One of my favorites is the 80’s pop ballad, ‘Bat Shit Crazy.’ With the quickness of its contemporary counterpart, sends motorcycles with helmeted mysteries cutting donuts under the moonlight. SAILEM marries the brooding of early Lana with the rhythmic vibes that makes us all dramatically jump up and down on our beds as if the stars of a music video. Instead of flying down the road with THEIR arms swimming through the wind while a tortured soul drives; SAILEM is able to keep the romanticized heaviness of late 2000’s brooding babes while taking control of the narrative; steering when others were herded. 

Mainstream mainstays are adapting with 70’s/80’s club influences in a femme nouveau-retro renaissance. SAILEM sets THEMSELVES apart by digging 6 feet underneath the preppy ground. THEY pull up the roots of East Coast 80’s early house music and grunge them up before replanting in an un-restrained garden to grow. THEIR ability to bring to life, so strongly, an attitude akin to our favorite icons with the relatability of the bedroom pop queens. THEY’RE able to compete in a lane of heavy hitters by somehow finding a fresh way to present aesthetics that are now on THEIR second wave of attention. SAILEM is an artist who embodies just why the underground creators are the forefront of new spaces and reclamations. In a dark little world where spooky things carry big appetites and the most love, SAILEM sits on THEIR throne shaking THEIR ass and freeing others from archetypes. 

Follow SAILEM on insta

THEIR linktree

Bb: Imma start with my basic question which is, what creative mediums do you claim in addition to music and stripping? And does one stand out amongst the others as especially self-expressive or do you envision yourself as all of your art at once?

SAILEM: LOVE this question. I make music, strip, make shiny things and put fire in my mouth ;) I see everything I do pretty equally. But the deeper we get into quarantine..I seriously am falling more in love with my music again. So that’s definitely the priority right now. For awhile I hated music. Mainly just me being insecure about my voice and my sound. I felt like I wasn’t really making anything that was true to me. But now I make anything I want cause.. it’s my music and it’s awesome 🔥

Bb: Okay well I am like a dog in that I will drop everything I’m doing to run over and stare at shiny things so we’re definitely coming back to that and the fire but first, was there a specific moment or experience that made you celebrate your music or was it just with the world shut down and on pause, it was one of the few things you could immerse yourself in from lockdown?

SAILEM: I def could say it’s a mixture of A LOT of things. I think what sparked up my passion for music again was strangely writing a breakup song. It’s the most cliche answer!! I know!! But “Blame Me” is one of the reasons I started writing again. It got so much attention and love that I realized I had something goin? After Blame Me came out in February. March came and the pandemic hit. I felt kinda hopeless because my life was kinda confusing. I didn’t really know what the fuck I was doing or what I should do with my art. 

I couldn’t leave my house and I couldn’t do much at the current place I was staying. So I just.. made a shit ton of demos and made music and connected through so many other musical artists too! 

Once I found my crowd and groove I just sorta kept going and was constantly inspired??

Bb: “Blame Me” is such a great track by the way, and I love the album artwork. Why do you feel it’s important for people to keep finding reasons to fall in love with themselves throughout life?

SAILEM: Omg thank you so much! The artwork is definitely my fav. Also not gonna lie. I’m gonna be fucking real. I don’t know the answer to this yet but when I do .. I’ll give you an update. It’s hard to find reasons to fall in love with ourselves. At least for me.. I am CONSTANTLY finding EVERYTHING wrong with me. But one thing I have to tell myself is to give myself a fucking break. Some grace. Some space and room to fuck up. I am not a robot. I cannot be perfect all the time. But it’s hard when you want everything to be flawless. I just want to be the BEST version of me. I want my art to be the best version of itself. But it can’t be that way if I’m caught up on everything being flawless. Also, wouldn’t it suck for everything to be so cookie cutter and organized? Like how do people live like that??? I guess I answered my own question. Kinda? Oops 😂

Bb: Hahaha I love it! Where you took it was so relatable tbh but I agree, when I see those big, big houses in wealthy neighborhoods and every house is made to look exactly the same. That honestly boggles me. Like I don’t know how people with all the resources choose to live within such a stale world. Because you’re right, fucking up is key. I think the way creation and destruction can be made into one concept, so can fucking up and our notion of perfection. Outside of a vacuum, being messy is how we learn where we want things to be. How has creativity/your art helped you make sense of your mess so to say?

SAILEM: Just like every other artsy fartsy bitch It honestly keeps me grounded. Sometimes it helps me get through weird situations. Like if I ever wanna make a messy tweet about something that happens to me I usually take it to the studio. Make a song a about it. And probably NEVER RELEASE IT. It’s like my own personal diary?! Making music+dancing. It’s part of my daily routine. I seriously cannot go a day without humming a random melody of free-styling about my hummus and snap peas. Or dancing on the pole in my kitchen while I’m warming up my leftovers 😂😂😂 My art is definitely a HUGE part of me. I feel really weird when I’m not doing it. Sometimes when I tell myself to take a break I end up making art WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT. It’s fucking annoying but I rather be creating than nothing at all. I hope I answered this question right LMAO

Bb: No right way to answer one tbh, that’s why I like it conversational. I think how you interpret the question is just as interesting as the answer. But getting into all your art, let’s go back to the shiny things and fire. I wanna know about the sparkles and the flame

SAILEM: Ah yes! These are things I like to call my side gigs and fun party tricks! If there’s one thing you should know about me. I take everything seriously. Not because it needs to be but I’m just determined to be my best at it! Slowly but surely I’m working on opening up a small store where I make these SUPER DUPER CUTE custom rhinestone hair clips. I can make them say anything you’d like. “Baddie” to baby” to “simp “ haha! Eventually I wanna branch out and make buttons, earrings, and a bunch of other small trinkets! I’ve always wanted to sell and make fun stuff like that so it’s something fun to do on my free time or when I’m feeling extremely crafty!! Now for the flames.. haha. Fire dancing/ eating has been something I’ve been wanting to do for the longest of time! I’ve been in practice since 2017-18 I believe? I took a short break because I didn’t have access to practice.. you kno.. playing with fire outside lol.  Thanks to Covid (I guess) I’ve been able to do it a hell of - A lot more and I’ve been able to incorporate it into a lot of my acts, projects and dance routines! I even unlocked a new skill where I can twerk and eat fire at the same time. It’s kind a cool 😂😂😂It’s also quite the icebreaker.. obvi lmaooo

Bb: I love how you’re casually like “it’s kinda cool” about TWERKING WHILE EATING FIRE? like the precision and body control that takes, along with just confidence in your abilities. That’s incredible. And I am going to be first one in the virtual line to buy those trinkets, i love that hair clip aesthetic. With taking things seriously because you wanna be your best at it, some might think that negates your ability to have fun or be goofy at those same things. How do you balance the desire to do well with being present in joy? 

SAILEM: Hahahaha that’s fair! And yeah! I’m working on shipping out a big order rn but they will be back in stock soon!! 💜💜💜But.. I could squeeze you in ;) And I don’t necessarily think it’s hard for me to find joy and just having fun with the things that I do! I think a lot of people know that I am extremely goofy and I don’t really take things seriously all the time. But when it’s something that I legit think that is cool and that I could incorporate with my art or future projects, I get kind of competitive with myself and I like to challenge myself a lot. I’m just a hard worker at heart. I really can’t help it 😂😂😂 Sometimes it’s annoying!!! But it’s just who i am and how I was raised. Usually people that are extremely close to me or have hung out with me and had a few drinks know that I am probably one of the most goofiest people to exist. I don’t really take a lot of things seriously. But when it comes to my art that’s personal; or something I’ve been dreaming of for years... that’s when I don’t fucking play 😂😂😂

Bb: I really admire your conviction in yourself. I feel like I’m getting second-hand confidence, it’s palpable. What’s something that makes you laugh or one of your favorite ways to goof off?

SAILEM: Sometimes I like to take weird beats and make songs that don’t make any sense at all. Like AT ALL. I also like to make a shit ton of TikToks and follow up with the trends or make up something of my own. You’ve seen one of them before! I like to make cute little fashion/aesthetic videos too. Another thing I like to do is just look at random videos of ferrets!! 🥺I want one so badly as a pet!! they’re just funny little noodle babies!!

Bb: Ahahaha I identify as a funny little noodle baby tbh how has Covid changed your day to day life? I imagine you’re not able to strip and perform in the same ways as before for a start

SAILEM: Pfft. In so many ways. I’m glad I can work from home and be a full time artist and again BUT sometimes I really miss LIVE shows. Like A LOT Everything is so much more challenging and it hard to adapt to somethings. But if anything it has pushed me as an artist for sure. I think what has changed the most is separating me life and WORKING Since I have the option now. No ones bossing me around on the clock

Bb: When you were doing live shows, what was your experience with being booked? Did you ever feel tokenized on a line up and/or were you able to/did you prefer to do shows within the Black and queer community?

SAILEM: At the very beginning of performing and doing burlesque I did feel like I was the token because I was “weird” and “different “

The scene here kinda had a weird shift throughout the few years. 

BUT later down the line I kinda made me own little circle and starting producing more shows. Infusing performances of all kind, drag, burlesque, sideshow, you name it. 

I was even asked to do more shows with drag performers. They really let me in with open arms. I felt like i could genuinely be myself and not stay in some kind of mold.

But no matter what, I was always booked for being authentically and unapologetically myself

Bb: Pretending there’s a world where a vaccine happens and is immediately distributed, If you were to produce the “end of lockdown” ball/event, what would it look/be like?

SAILEM: Oh bitch.... ok picture this. Have you ever been to meow wolf! It’s literally the most dope place I’ve ever been. It would have that energy. But basically the entrance would be in a abandoned hospital. It would be very bland and black white. Super sad. BUT we would all enter into the weird portal and the front would change into this neon blacklight whimsical world. I can’t exactly explain what that part would be like but.. it would be very horror sci-fi. There would be gogo dancer in scientific floating cages... there would be mask making area.. shots out of test tubes.. I could go on. It would have a very weird meta/ black mirror vibe.

Bb: Since the pandemic, i feel like we’re all learning new boundaries or facets of ourselves, we hadn’t had time to feed before. What ways of support and love from friends and strangers have been the most meaningful to you?

SAILEM: It’s so weird because ever since quarantine hit I’ve gotten closer to people I’ve never talked to OR been meaning to talk to! I have been slightly distancing away from people I thought were my friends too. Again. No one owes anyone anything but its crazy how much more in common I have with people I’ve Never talked to before VS the people I hung out with when the world was “normal” It’s actually nice that this is happening. It just truly shows who genuinely cares about you and what you’re up to VS tagging along just because I’m a performer Idk. That’s how I’ve been dealing with it. We all got a lot going on. But actions have been speaking LOUDER than words.

Bb: Speaking of relationships in quarantine, as a burlesque performer, has quarantine affected your relationship with your body or physicality?

SAILEM: LMAO OH YES UNFORTUNATELY. Sad thing is. Me and my body had had a weird relationship for my whole entire life. I don’t think quarantine made it any different.. but it made more obvious than usual. I sleep naked (everyone should tbh) So Everyday I wake up and see myself in the mirror and tell myself something nice. Maybe not out loud but in my mind. “Nice titties today!” “Ass is on point as usual” “ur tummy is cute today” it’s not always like that. Sometimes I’m extremely mean. So when that happens I kinda just throw on a onesie and try not to look at my body. My eating habits have been kinda shitty too. One day I’m eating pretty healthy. One day I’m eating junk. And some days I don’t really eat. It’s a struggle when you have to do everything on your own when you have to stay inside all the time. With your thoughts. Ur depression. With your own mess. It’s hard to get out of shitty routines.

Bb: It really is. And it’s hard conveying that to people, how basic actions for survival feel too heavy to carry. I have issues with eating and I feel so crazy explaining to people that some days I want to eat but I can’t get myself to, even if it starts to make me ache with hunger. How has burlesque just throughout your experience with it, helped (or hurt) your perspective on your body?

SAILEM: Whew. To be honest when I started I didn’t think anything of it. I got into burlesque when I was 18 years old. Fresh out of high school and ready to be naked LMAOOOO tbh I wasn’t really.. the type to care about my body? I was mainly into for the art and just making cool dance routines but naked lol. But then, the older I got the more insecure I got? I was trying to have the same figure as I did when I was 18 for a few years. It was scaring me how FAST my body was changing. Where did the thighs come from? Where did my tits come from? My ass? Where did these stretch marks come from!?!? It also made me insecure because the dancers I was around were much older than me and would low-key pick on me. “Now love all of this energy and that snack now because when you get older you’re not gonna look the same” It was so shitty. Like they held such a high standard on me. Made me feel like I had to look a certain way forever. It’s sucked. I felt like I was in ballet class again. Like, for someone who is like “all bodies are valid and beautiful “ YOURE not practicing what you’re preaching but.. that’s none of my business I guess 👀👀👀 lmao

Bb: Oof, yeah cycles of toxic thinking are awful. The kind of, well I went through this suffering experience so everyone else has to to. It’s so much easier to tell other people to love themselves than it is to go inside yourself and remove your own body-policing first. It’s a much more internalized issue than a lot of people realize. If you saw dancers like that picking on a new/younger girl, what would you say to her or say to them now?

SAILEM:  First I’d try not to loose it.. but I’d make a very cute but snarky comment. 

Try and get my point across but also make em think a little. Somewhere along the lines of “Hey now.. sure their body is gonna change but it’s gonna be a bad bitch 2.0.” “I loved how my body looked then but the way I gracefully changed looks awesome now. I can’t imagine what you’re gonna look like. Oof. So beautiful!!!” “I still eat those snacks and sure my body changed but, I didn’t so... and I’m still an awesome performer. I evolved!” Idk. Honestly I don’t think that would happen. I hope the fuck not 😂😂😂Otherwise I’d have to throw hands or something. NEVER talk down someone like that 😤 Or I’d do the thing where I pull them to the side and be like.. SO ANYWAYS IGNORE THEM I THINK UR AMAZING LMAOOK

Bb: YES I love that love 💛 I’mma switch real fast but I’ll wrap up soon✨ what drew you to hell/demonic related imagery for your brand? How would you describe your aesthetic?

SAILEM: Hmmmmm I never thought about this tbh. I guess it’s just a look and a feeling I’ve been attracted to since like.. forever.  I grew up really into alternative music,fashion,culture, etc. And being that black kid growing up definitely wasn’t a phase at all. It’s definitely something that’s a huge part of me. I’ve always known I was different. And there’s something about that dark demonic aesthetic that seems to shock people. Most of the time when you think of hot goth bitches it’s a pale, skinny, long black straight haired-chick right? But I wanted to showcase that it’s so much more than just white faces and bodies? Alt/Goth style and culture is for EVERYONE. It’s something I’m really passionate about. Also, I just LOVE spooky, dark, scary satanic stuff. It’s fascinating and aesthetically Hits my funny bone 😝. Also ur all good. This is fun!

Bb: Aesthetically hits your funny bone, I’m obsessed with that sentence.  Yeah, I remember discovering alt, goth, Kawaii Black women and nb humans, etc on Instagram. And while I’d never actively thought those things were only for white girls, I definitely was subconsciously obsessed thrown off at first because growing up white in a predominantly white community, I just never saw that. So that was something I definitely admit to having been a part of. Is it an aesthetic choice or a deeper meaning behind the way you spell SAILEM?

SAILEM: Oh my god funny story time 🙃😅So.. originally this SAILEM character was supposed to be a mermaid? But like spooky? Which technically I can be and kinda am but.. it’s not in the way you’d think it would be?? So.. get this: Sailem.. as in.. SAIL... 🤣😂It’s so bad. So now I just lie (at this point im exposing myself lmao) And say it’s just a fun fancy flare to separate myself from all the other 600 Salem’s in the world. I wish I would’ve had still held on to my aesthetic and original style I had for awhile called “s3agoth” but that didn’t really happen they way I planned 😂😂😂Anyways. This was a wacky and complicated answer that makes no sense what so ever 😅 Like I really tried to mash up sea life with.. being.. spooky. It surely wasn’t working. Didn’t stick. Like at all. So now I’m just this demonic hot piece of ass ykno? Lol

Bb: Ahahahaha tbh I’m here for spooky sea. Sirens are spooky sea for sure even though they’re not mermaids - or at least in certain mythologies they’re actually half bird, half woman which I get is less easy to fetishize for men in history 🙄but there’s something that feels more powerful about that original version. Maybe it’s the claws. What’s something that makes you feel powerful?

SAILEM: See THATS what I was trying to do but.. did not work 😅😂And ah this answer is simple. A glass of champagne and hot pair of boots. Don’t really have a deep answer if that’s what you’re lookin for 🤣😂

Bb: For me it’s a blunt and a cute bodysuit. What should people do while listening to your new music? What’s the perfect ambiance to set?

SAILEM: I feel like whatever comes to Mind ykno?? I def want people to kinda escape somewhere else? I want them to feel the harmonies and the melodies. Take my music in whatever interpretation. Whatever personal meaning it has to you. I just want people to enjoy it. But doesn’t all of us artists? But then a again honestly. I try not to think about it too much. Cause at the end of the day it’s my art and my music and whatever I wanna do with it 🔥 But then on the other hand I don’t mind ppl deadass laying in the middle of the floor surrounded by a bloody pentagram. 

What ever helps yah sleep at night? 😂😂😭

Bb: Last question/a little two parter: what part of yourself do others overlook the most and what are some of your favorite things about yourself?

SAILEM: What I love about myself is that I’m always open to try new things and that I don’t put myself in one box. I love that I’m pretty forgiving and willing to ask for permission.People think what makes a great artist is to do whatever you want. But sometimes it’s ok retrace your decisions before jumping the gun. It’s ok to calculate things. Some things are needed for that! You don’t constantly have to take up space all the time. You don’t always have to be in the center. Come out when you’re ready. Not because you feel like you have to be relevant all the time. I think people overlook that I hate sharing my art most of the time. It almost feels like a slap in the face and a chore. You know how much it fucking sucks to share something you’ve been working on forever just to get 17 views and 9 likes VS posting a pic of your ass getting 500? Or covering something that’s not even yours? It’s. Humiliating. It’s like damn. Guess I shouldn’t share my art anymore :(